A lot of people have issues with putting their emotions in the right place. And I mean it quite literally. We live in a world where showing any kinds of emotions, in its purest, is not cool. (Of course, I don’t mean those raging emotions where you want to punch someone in the face or throw them out of the window – it is more than cool not to do those things – at least, they are socially not acceptable. Although, these emotions also need their place). So how can we deal with our emotions if it’s ‘not allowed’ to rage in public?
Once I read an article where the mother told her son that it is okay to be angry or unsatisfied but it is not cool punching the toy out of his sister’s hand because of it. So mum put a chair in the corner and told her son: if you feel angry, sit on the chair and there you can rage. This is going to be your ‘angry-place’. Because these emotions need to come out somehow, somewhere, otherwise they will start a series of events within a person that we do not know where may end.
The same goes for grief, happyness, sadness, satisfaction and so on. We live in a bit of a robotic-like environment where people stare at their screens, reading, typing, being in contact and still, hardly really in contact with each other. And when your grandma dies, you often hear: ‘Just go to work so you have some distraction’. No. Do what feels good.
Do grief, do cry, do rage, do be angry because your grandma died. Because these are steps towards emotional and psychological healing. Or go to work. But don’t do it because it’s socially acceptable; but because this is what feels good at that moment of grief.
Same goes for people with anxiety, panic attacks and eventually burn-out. I think, mostly those people develop such things who do not express their real feelings. Who keep things closed, don’t come up for themselves and on the other hand, they have a very strong feeling of responsibility for the things they do. So they hardly (or rather never) say ‘no’ or keep their frustrations in and want to meet other people’s expectations which eventually become their own expectations. Then your body says: ‘That’s enough. This is too much (mental) stress and now I just choose to shut down so you stop doing what you’re doing’. This is when you get anxious and start to fear ‘what if I don’t do this or do that? Is the world going to end?’’. And it might. Their world may end. Because they don’t know a better world where they can actually say ‘no’ without ending the world.
I know, because they’re not alone. I was once this person whose world evolved around not being able to come up for herself and setting some straight boundaries. But this sucks. And can end up hurting you and your loved ones.
So this is me, giving place and some space to these issues. And dianatoth.nl is something that I hope can help people create space for theirs. In between two moments of busyness.
The year of 2020 will be for sure one of the weirdest years of our generation. Imagine that someone has been in a coma the whole year then when he wakes up in 2021 and asks: ‘How was your year? What did you do?’ - how will you answer? For many people this year feels...
This is an old repost from 2017. I wrote the below after having worked in Rwanda for a week and after 3 years, I still stand by my point. Especially now that I haven’t been able to visit this amazing place in almost a year. This is going to be a story of absolute...
It’s been 10 years… And I have never actually talked about my Dad to many people before. Not that people really ask actually. I have the feeling that they don’t dare to ask in order to not upset me. But it’s okay. They can ask. I’d love it if they asked so I could...